If we talk about values, for me, authenticity is, without doubt, a milestone in everything I do. But in a world where you are almost dictated how to look, talk, work or, more recently, love, how easy is it to keep this value untouched? It is a question I constantly ask myself, in a constant need to preserve my own authenticity.
The classical definition of authenticity – “according to the truth, the reality of which cannot be questioned” is simple, but insufficient. Truth is a subjective and fluid concept, and our perception of reality is equally variable. So a static definition cannot capture the complexity and shades of human authenticity. So what is authenticity, really?
Paradoxically to the definition, I affirm before stating my opinion, that I do not hold the absolute truth, and everything I place between my lines is, a personal theory, rooted in the self. Thus, authenticity for me means the sum amount of honest, assumed and individual behaviors towards the collective, of constant efforts to sustain your own mind, your own Self and your own desires and of relentless self-searching, self-discovery and self-sufficiency. All this ensures your honesty both in your personal and professional life.
How did I arrive at this almost confusing idea?
It all started when, even as a teenager, out of a desire to fit in, to integrate into certain high school-social contexts, I began to take on behaviors, desires or actions that did not represent me, but helped me to have an active social life.
Dealing with this discrepancy between who I really was and how I presented myself to others generated a deep cognitive dissonance. Feelings of dissatisfaction and disappointment were the grounds for much needed introspection. I believe that disappointment comes with unrealistic expectations, with trying to twist your own truth. But disappointment is the best step back to your own self. And my own truth used to lie in other things.
Growing up, I put the phrase “this is grown-up talk” on lack of information, not age. And that helped me to have a particular disposition towards information, knowledge, learning. Of course that turned over the years into self-awareness and learning about myself. To invest time in getting to know yourself and accumulating knowledge that positions you vertically in front of others, without having to camouflage yourself under behaviors that don’t belong to you, is an inspiring compliment you give yourself.
This is how I have extracted individuality from the collective and separated them in my own life so that I know how great the effort is to sustain my authenticity. And yes, the effort is great in many situations, but it’s worth it, and I’ll tell you why I encourage it:
- Authenticity acts as a social filter. By honestly expressing our opinions and values, we attract people into our lives who really resonate with us and we push away those who don’t appreciate us for who we really are. This natural selection can be painful in the short term, but in the long run it brings us more authentic and fulfilling relationships. Acceptance is almost impossible when there is no understanding, and understanding is directly proportional to the competence to do so. And competence is only acquired when there is willingness. A place, context, relationship, job, in which you are not accepted unless you inhibit your own personality, your own filter of ideas, your own argumentation of your position, will not honor your authenticity and by default will bring into your life people who judge you instead of people who are supportive.
- Authenticity means fairness. Not once have I heard people upset that they didn’t get a job because it was awarded “on the money”, and this frustration is real. When patronage beats competence, there can be emotional and moral destabilization. But the positive side of these stories is that maybe that place really wasn’t right for you. I don’t believe in coincidences, I believe that the effects we end up feeling are the reaction of decisions made at a given moment both by us and by other people. And when you find yourself pushed out of an incorrect situation, give thanks and be glad that your authenticity will not be buried in that context. Of course, there are people who are made to be part of the crowd, people for whom the Ego only identifies collectively and who function on the principle of similarity and association, preferring only that which is similar to themselves, are part of the same social or family groups, and that is ok, but not authentic. Daring to be different by being yourself is a step towards truth.
- Authenticity means self-respect. When we are faced with negative judgments about our choices, it’s important to remember that each individual has the right to live their life according to their own values and preferences. Authenticity means respecting ourselves, even when others do not understand or approve of our decisions. It is okay to have your authenticity disapproved of by people with different interests. As I said above, understanding is based on competence. In superficial contexts, authenticity is the first value to be silenced. And when the choice is between “you are like us” and “you are without us”, where the pressure is put only on yourself, choose to be like you and respect yourself. Healthy relationships are based on shared values and compromises, not censorship of your own personality.
We live in interesting times, where the temptation to be, speak, think or love like others is great and fraught with the abyss that minimizes our importance as a separate entity from the group. But the group should tend towards being heterogeneous, for it is precisely what makes us different that has the power to unite us even more. Real values, self-respect and self-truth, continuous learning and acceptance are the river stones that brave the waters of society.
Truth is an ideal, an abstract concept that takes the form of one’s own reality, whether factual or not, but authenticity is the engine of self-awareness, self-respect and self-confidence, it is the sum of your own thoughts and ideas. And above all, it is serenity, because it is not by chance that one of the antonyms of authenticity is fake. Like lying, perhaps even similar to it, falsehood is a short-lived illusion, while truth is not bound by the temporal condition.
Authenticity is not just a value but a way of life. By cultivating authenticity, we open ourselves to a more fulfilling, authentic and meaningful life. The question is not whether authenticity is undervalued, but whether we are willing to invest in ourselves to cultivate it. By underestimating our authenticity we underestimate our capacity to be fully ourselves, to cross horizons and (discover) ourselves. And the more intensely you look inside yourself, the more the world outside appears different, taking on a different meaning.
In Carl Rogers’ words, one of the pioneers of humanistic psychology, “An organism is in a state of congruence when its experience is, at each moment, adequately represented in consciousness and freely expressed in behavior.” Authenticity is exactly this congruence between the inner and outer self.
Article made with ❤️ by Adelina Facas
